some thoughts

I am 22 now, and this is 2010. I am growing older, and live in place where a distant is counted by longitude and I can see home from google map, a pointy small area where everybody keeps saying that it is my home, but home is where the heart is.

It is from now and then that I always planning my whole life, and eventually with hard work and strong determination I can get what I want in life. It is surely I do, in certain time in my life, I could not gain what I want. but eventually in the end (with lots of tears and emotional distraction) I realize that the plan which can not be realized is somewhat not a good one for me and I gain more benefits for myself (for my knowledge, my experience, and in expanding my own self).

As I once became an atheist and asking everything based on my own logical thinking, in which I usually driven and judge the conditions of other  people, as well with my perspective about God with my own thinking,  I have then changed and realized that life is a paradox, and God is somewhat telling me what life is, not from my point of view, but from others' condition, advices from people combined with good and bad things that happened in my life. 

as I grow older, I started to think and build my own life, tailor it the way I want. I used to fall in love with the dude who I think gives me a happiness, and all I can think about probably is him. However, this is not the case now, as I believe now that love, career, and education are a different thing, and all of them should not  give effects to each other.

Living by myself in Rotterdam clearly has give a good impact for my personality, especially for expanding my self reliance, in which I should stand up for my failure and fix things by my own self.  I started to think that I am a winner and not a whiner and when failure come, I should fight and build everything from the start, and see whether it will succeed or not. I am not proud to say that I am an ambitious person. But right now I am proud that I could control my ambitions and drive it in a good direction, and lead it to my power to gain another achievements in life.

This is certainly as my best friend said in her note, that as she grow older, she gets better. So am I. when in the past I used to fall in love and attached to the dude back then in Jakarta, right now I could face the world by my own self and realize that I could lead my own life with my own strength and build everything with my own hand, and just wish everything and everybody around me would lead a great life.


a wishful thinking is what everybody needs, and a wishful thinking is also what drive me to push myself to the max and reach a better achievement in life.